what's bookmarked: Beautiful Boy, by David Sheff

What I thought of it:
I admit that I’m usually drawn to memoirs (bordering on fiction, in some cases) that detail other people’s woes, especially if said woes stem from drug over-use or unconventional parenting practices. Some of the earliest titles I read in this genre include the classic Go Ask Alice, credited to Anonymous, and Steven Levenkron’s The Best Little Girl in the World. More recent reads in this arena include The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls, and the infamous James Frey’s A Million Little Pieces. In contrast, I don’t think I’ve ever read a memoir about someone overcoming a horrific illness (other than addiction) or injury.

So, it’s no surprise that I picked up Beautiful Boy: A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Addiction, the story of how a father dealt with his son’s methamphetamine addiction. (Actually, I ordered the book to my Kindle—but more on my new hi-tech reading toy some other post.) Author David Sheff’s son also has a memoir out, so I even have the option of reading about the whole ordeal from the addict’s point of view—bonus!

Despite my interest in Sheff’s topic, I’m afraid I didn’t think much of the book. My main criticism is that the informational tidbits about addiction, recovery programs, and typical pattern of relapses were repeated too many times, in pretty much the same words. I understand that part of a parent’s frustration must be that the whole cycle of drug (ab)use, rehab, relapse can endlessly repeat—that addiction is a heartbreakingly tedious disease with no true end in sight. But it just didn’t make for a fulfilling read.

What it made me think:
It certainly made me think about all the parenting choices I’ll make over the years, and what possible effects they may or may not have on my children. This is really scary stuff. More alarming is the thought that the even more numerous decisions un-related to parenting may have an equally significant effect on the way children understand their world. Sheff really did seem to provide the best possible home, family, and education for his son, Nick, who apparently was an articulate, artistic, loving young boy for at least 13 years. Seems like Nick made it a long way before the trouble began! However, David himself thinks (and writes) a lot about how his divorce from Nick’s mother and subsequent new family affected his son. Nick does have to shuffle from home in Point Reyes Station during the school year to somewhere in the Los Angeles during the summers. (Disclaimer: I’m not writing this with the book by my side, so I may be giving incorrect ages and place names.)

Yes, divorce and its aftermath seem to be part of the problem for Nick. But I found myself wondering also about the effects the über-positive home and community environment had on Nick. Was he over-compensated for the difficulties he faced with too much freedom? When it comes to providing a nurturing environment for children, is it possible that there can be too much of a good thing?

What Beautiful Boy really made me think about was how little control I, as a parent, have over my children and the choices they’ll make in life.

And that's enough thinking for one afternoon....

~jkg